To the Victim of Narcissism, The Potter Loves You PART 2

  

To the Victim of Narcissism, The Potter Loves You PART 2

THIS IS THE CONTINUATION OF OUR STUDY ON VICTIMS OF NARCISSISM IN ACCORDANCE WITH 2 TIMOTHY

2 Timothy 3:1-7  ⁽¹⁾But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. ⁽²⁾People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, ⁽³⁾without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, ⁽⁴⁾treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God – ⁽⁵⁾Having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people. ⁽⁶⁾They are the kind who work their way into homes and gain control over gullible women, who are loaded down with sins and are swayed by all kinds of evil desires, ⁽⁷⁾always learning but never able to come to a knowledge of the truth. (NIV)

)   Slanderous

The narcissist loves to slander you to your face. They will call you names and/or try to convince you that you are something evil when that is not the case. They will say that you are selfish when you know that you are the most giving person there is. They will tell you that you are self-centered when all you are trying to do is live your life as God has guided you. The narcissist will downplay your personal relationship with God by having you feel spiritually inadequate. If you view yourself spiritually through the eyes of a narcissist, you will doubt God’s love and give up on Him all together by transferring the narcissist’s negative views concerning you onto God. 1 Peter 2:9 But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called out of darkness into his wonderful light. (NIV) 

The Potter does not determine His thoughts of you based on someone else’s opinion. Their negative thoughts of you does not make it a fact. When the prophet Samuel was looking to anoint the second king of Israel, God let him know that He does not view things the way that man does. 1 Samuel 16:7 But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” (NIV) Whereas man thinks of you as being inadequate, the Potter thinks that you are absolutely someone to die for.

b.)   Without self-control

The narcissist does not have self-control in how they act towards you. They do not respect your boundaries when you clearly tell them that they are over-stepping them. The narcissist feels that you do not have a right to demand that they honor your boundaries because it would then require them to stop or at least limit their aggression. In their minds, rules are meant to be broken and therefore, they will do exactly that. Trying to get a narcissist to respect you and your boundaries is like trying to get a dog not to bark. It would be very difficult. The narcissist views boundaries as you trying to control them instead of acknowledging that it is your need of not wanting to be controlled by them. Have you experienced this? Write down your experience here.

The Potter desires for His children to have self-control over their actions and deeds. No one will be able to make it to Heaven with the “can’t help its” excuse. We are called to place our bodies into total submission under God. 1 Corinthians 9:27 No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize. (NIV) A person who cannot control themselves and seek to destroy others will find themselves having the same fate.

c.)     Brutal

The narcissist is very brutal in their words and how they treat you. They demean you every chance they get to uplift themselves. You are never good enough and they will be sure to let you know. You may be compared to another friend, family member or even a stranger just so they can let you know how incompetent that you are. Their words are piercing to say the least and if you are not careful, their analogy of you will replay in your mind over the years like a movie marathon even if they are not in your presence. You may always have feelings of low self-worth because of the negativity that they have pronounced over your life. You may find that your self-image is tarnished because of their cruelty. Unfortunately, once again, if you let them know, they will be sure to let you know that it’s your fault that you feel that way and that you just don’t like rebuke. They feel as if they have the right to demean you in the name of constructive criticism, but if the roles were reversed, they would convince themselves that they are victims. 

The Potter disciplines His children when they are living unholy lives, but He never demeans you in order to bring you down. The Potter’s rebuke is of love and not brutality. He disciplines out of love, but not for mere pleasure. His judgments are righteous to bring all to Himself. Love does not have to hurt because God is love.

d.)   Not lovers of the good

The narcissist thinks that he/she is good because they do good things. However, much of what they do is for selfish motives. It is often for their own record keeping to be regurgitated at a later time. They convince themselves that nothing is wrong with them and that everything that they do is good. They consider themselves to be the best boss, the best friend, the best spouse, the best parent and anything other than them being perceived as the best means that you are ungrateful. They fail to look at themselves to see how they could have possibly been better at whatever it is they do and even if they manage to do so, you can often guarantee that it will be short-lived. Their minds will go back to, “I’m the best and you are the less” mode.

The Potter has let us know in His word that our works are like filthy rags. Therefore, no one is good. It is only by the grace of God that any of us have the desire to do good. Nevertheless, when we have God in our hearts, it will come naturally to produce good fruit. The Bible lets us know that even the wicked gives good gifts. Therefore, doing good in and of itself will not get you to Heaven.

e.)    Treacherous

   The narcissist is treacherous. They will lie on you and make everyone believe that what they are saying is true. The worst part about their treachery is that they are quite convincing. They will throw you under the bus and wipe their hands as if nothing ever took place. If they did something to you, they will tell everyone that you are over-reacting or that you are being deceptive. Because you come off as being the troubled person, due to being their most frequent scapegoat, they will make you look like the spawn of Satan, while themselves appearing to be angelic in nature. Therefore, no one will believe you. They are the master of deception and the scary part about it, they may even believe their own lies.

The Potter does not like treachery. This is one of the things that destroyed Lucifer. He was able to deceive a third of the angels as well as mankind, while knowing full well that he could not deliver on his promises. He may have actually believed in his own mind the lies that he has and still is telling others. The Potter, however, will deliver you from the enemy’s snares. Wicked men lied on His son, but Jesus died to offer everyone forgiveness. Despite what is done to you, forgiveness is a must and your redemption can be found at the Potter’s house.

f.)     Rash

The narcissist is often rash and thoughtless when it comes to being empathetic with the needs of others. While they can be giving at times, and we know what strings come with those gifts, their thoughtlessness comes in their total disregard for another person’s feelings. They are rash in what they say and how they relate to others. They love to be waited on hand and foot, so that they can be the center of attention. Remember that with a narcissist it is all about them. You do not matter. You are just a means to an end. If you fall into the trap of thinking that they have changed, their rash ways will awaken you once again out of the land of delusion -- just as a person getting whiplash. 

The Potter is never rash with His children and His thoughts are of us all the time. We quite often put Him second, but He always puts us first. He tends to us with loving care and provides all of our needs. When we hurt, He does too. When we cry, He collects our tears. When we fall, He picks us up. There is no neglect at the Potter’s house.

g.)    Conceited

Narcissists are normally good at what they do when it comes to jobs, creativity, planning, etc. However, because they are good at things, they sometimes become conceited and use that opportunity to let you know that you will never be better than them. For example, the narcissist may have taught you basic skills in decorating, but even if you go to college, obtain a degree in the profession, be mentored by a top designer, and become the number one recognized expert in the nation, they will take your success and credit it to themselves -- regardless of the amount of work that you put in. You are irrelevant because they must be recognized for their many accomplishments and that includes you. They will leave you scratching your head and asking the question, “Am I crazy?” 

The Potter is the One who gets the glory in whatever accomplishments that we make in our lives. However, He does not mind you having a sense of accomplishment on a job well-done. As long as you give Him honor and glory, He will exalt you and allow you to be humbly pleased in what you’ve achieved. What the enemy tries to take, the Potter will restore. The canker worm has no place at the Potter’s house.

h.)   Lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God

The narcissist takes pleasure in themselves and diminishing the self-esteem of others. If you are close to them, it is like keeping a scorpion for a pet. You will eventually get bit. They often appear pleasant, friendly, and likable to others, but if you are a close family, friend, or loved one, it is like being around Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. The world sees the professionalism of Dr. Jekyll, while you encounter the wrath of Mr. Hyde. They will even go as far a displaying outward affection for you in public, but will rip you to shreds at a more private time. You may even begin to resent them because you are tired of the facade. 

The Potter never changes His mind about you. He doesn’t love you one day and despise you the next. He actually says that if a person is double-minded, then they are unsteady in all things. The Potter aims to give you stability in life. You can experience safety at the Potter’s House. He never plays with your emotions, but He allows them to be used for His glory, so that you can help others.

i.)     Having a form of godliness but denying its power

Nothing could possibly be worse for the victim of a narcissist than to have one in your life who “claims” to be a Christian. These types of narcissists are some of the worst kinds. They will use spiritual manipulation to make you feel like a spiritual reject. They tend to make you think that God is always angry at you. You will hear things like: God doesn’t love you. God will punish you. God is going to send you to hell. God is their avenger. God is going to whip you with many stripes and the list goes on and on. They will make you afraid that if you ever step outside of their beliefs that God is going to curse you with many plagues. They tend to believe that they have a monopoly on God and everyone else is under their feet. They act as if they can command the heavens to rain down fire just because you decided not to go along to get along. What they are actually doing is practicing a form of witchcraft because this type of manipulation does not come from God. They are using God as an excuse to abuse you. 

The Potter does not manipulate but congratulates you on your success of walking in His divine will for your life. That will does not include doubting the relationship that He has with you. Your relationship with God is not contingent on someone else’s view. They too have to stand before God and give an account as to how they lived their life. No one can send you to Heaven or Hell but God. Nevertheless, God your fear of Him to be that of reverence and not one of dread. He does not give anyone a fearful spirit, but wants you to serve Him out of love. Yes, there is love at the Potters House. Love and fear cannot reside in the same space. Because the Potter is love, there can be no fear.  

j.)     Gain control over gullible women

The narcissist will take advantage of you at your weakest. They will use your weakness as leverage to make you feel that they are doing you a favor if they offer you help. The help that is given will be dangled over your head as a constant reminder that you are in need of them and at any time should you not adhere to their commands, they will shut the flow of help off. They may even help someone else, while knowing that you need assistance as a form of power just to let you know who’s in control, at least in their own minds. They will belittle you for even needing help to begin with and privately celebrate your moment of despair. They gain control over your gullibility of being entangled in their web. You may even question yourself as to if it would be better to go without rather than to ask for assistance from them. Getting help from a narcissist can often make you feel like you sold your soul to the devil. The trade-off was not worth the signature in blood. 

You need not allow anyone to control you because the Potter owns the cattle on a thousand hills. All silver and gold belongs to Him. The narcissist cannot outdo God, so always go to the Potter’s House for help first. He is Jehovah Jireh (God, my provider) and He will always provide for your needs. Just as God sent ravens to feed the prophet Elijah, the Potter will send ravens to help you. Guess what? He has more than one raven and where one person may not do, God always has someone else to help see your through. The Potter’s House has an abundance of things for your mind, body and soul and if that weren’t enough, He has more. Trust in Him to supply your needs and He will take care of you.

k.)   Always learning but never able to come to a knowledge of the truth

The narcissist is normally a very intellectual individual, but they never come to the truth of their abusive ways UNLESS they drop the denial and acknowledge it. Many abusers are similar to alcoholics prior to going to alcoholic anonymous (AA). Until they hit rock bottom, admit that they have a problem and get professional and spiritual counseling, they will continue the abuse. They may even make promises that they are going to change, but sadly, it is something that normally cannot be done on their own accord. Therefore, the victim has to decide if they want to remain in the relationship with the narcissist, while knowing that they may never change. 

There is restoration at the Potter’s house even for the narcissist if they will allow Him to operate fully in their lives by giving them the heart of Christ. The Potter can help the narcissist to have healthy relationships instead of controlling ones once they give themselves completely to Him.

CLOSING

Not all narcissists will exhibit every symptom that we discussed and having one or two of the symptoms doesn’t make someone a narcissist. However, if you know someone who has a lot of the symptoms that we just discussed, you may be dealing with a narcissist. Can that person change? Of course! However, they cannot do so on their own. First, they need GOD and then they need spiritual counseling. Most of the time, they will be in denial and therefore, no help will ever be pursued. Nevertheless, the Potter aims to help YOU. He will help you to forgive and teach you how to move beyond the pain of it all. Everyone’s situation is different when dealing with a narcissist. You may encounter one on your job, home, school, a friendship or other. What’s important is to allow the Potter to help you learn how to deal with your unique situation. If it’s a job, for example, the Potter may help you to get another one or help you to cope right where you’re at. The Potter is the only one who knows what’s best for you. People can give advice, but He has the solution. Take a trip to the Potter’s House. Restoration begins at the front door.