SEX

1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen who do not know God;

 

            Pornography is a big industry. According to a meta-analysis done by Covenant Eyes, in 2005 and 2006, the United States pornography industry generated $12.62 and $13.33 billion in revenue. This comprised of video sales and rentals, internet, cable, pay-per-view, in-room, mobile, phone sex, exotic dance clubs, novelties, and magazines. The exact figures in 2013-2014 are not known, but you can possibly imagine that if this is what was tallied in 2005 and 2006, the sales and profits have greatly risen.

            Sex is all over the media from selling cars to hamburgers. You may wonder, “What does selling a hamburger have to do with sex?” Well, in some commercials, they use female models in skimpy clothing and long flowing hair to use their sex appeal by biting into this big juicy hamburger. By the time they are done with the commercial, you may wonder, “Which one were they trying to sell, the model or the hamburger?” The sad part about this is the affect that it has on America’s youth. From cartoons to music videos, sex is all over the screen and their minds are greatly influenced in this ungodly sexual society.

            This brings me to the question of what is sexually acceptable in God’s eyes? Does God endorse porn? Is God okay with masturbation? Is anal and oral sex okay? Is it okay to dress up, play dominatrix and spank your partner? Would God be okay with you and your spouse watching porn to heat things up in the bedroom? What about sex toys and magazines? Or, do you have to be a missionary and have no spice at all? Let’s tackle this from a Bible point of view.

 

Hebrews 13:4 Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

What is being sexually immoral according to God’s word? Let us break this down into simple categories.

FORNICATION

1 Corinthians 5:1  It is reported commonly that there is fornication among you, and such fornication as is not so much as named among the Gentiles, that one should have his father's wife. (KJV)

1 Corinthians 7:2  Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. (KJV)

What is Fornication? It is the act of premarital sex. According to the Bible, we are not to have sex outside of the union of marriage. Therefore, having sex with your boo and there isn’t an acknowledgement of marriage union before God and pastor, priest or legal officiate is unacceptable before Him. This is not to be done and God has clearly stated that it is an absolute sin.

Even though this is a challenge for many Christian singles, God has told us in His law that we are to stay from doing this. I will admit that this is hard and many of us have falling prey to the temptations of the flesh at some point in our Christian walk. I for one am not here to pass judgment but to speak the truth according to God’s word because I have fallen myself. HOWEVER, we must continue to strive for the prize and therefore, even amidst weakness, we must get back up and decide to do what is right.

Proverbs 24:16  for though a righteous man falls seven times, he rises again, but the wicked are brought down by calamity. (NIV)

ADULTERY

 

Proverbs 6:32 But a man who commits adultery lacks judgment; whoever does so destroys himself. (NIV)

Exodus 20:14 “You shall not commit adultery.” (NIV)

What is Adultery? It is when you are married and you have sex with someone other than your spouse. Married people, this means that God does not condone what many call “Open Marriages.” It is not Biblical for you to bring an extra party into your marriage bed. Some famous Hollywood couples have openly expressed their consent with having an open marriage. However, this is not right according to the word of God. Well for starters, if you wanted to be with other people then you should have never gotten married in the first place. Second, your actions are not only causing you to sin as a couple, but you are also in partnership with someone else’s sin. Marriage is supposed to be between One Man and One Woman. If you need an extra party to participate in the bedroom, why not try a Christian licensed therapist to see what is actually going wrong between the two of you. Obviously, something is missing and that something is not a third party.

 

HOMOSEXUALITY

Leviticus 18:22 Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman, that is detestable. (NIV)

1 Corinthians 6:9-11 Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders… (NIV)

            What is homosexuality? It is the act of a Man having sex with a Man or a Woman having sex with a Woman. I know in today’s time that the government and gay activists are really pushing the homosexual agenda hard. It is almost as if they are shoving it down your throats to accept what is against God’s law. HOWEVER, God’s law reigns supreme over anything act of Congress. Therefore, regardless of how acceptable it is for the government, mainstream media and even some churches, God has not changed His mind with regards to this lifestyle.  So you BFF may be gay, but according to God’s word, the ACT is a sin.

Now you are to love them despite their lifestyle and try to win them over lovingly to Christ. It is okay, in my opinion, to have gay friends as long as they know your stance with God. God loves the sinner, but hates the sin. I am not going to condone discrimination to any individual, but the practice and lifestyle of homosexuals is not pleasing to God. Also, if I may add…just because you get a “sex change” does not mean you are officially viewed in God’s eyes as the opposite sex. I do believe that if Ray-Ray decides to change his “status” to “Shay-Shay,” God will attach your “ORIGINAL” equipment back together if you make it into Heaven. NO CROSS-GENDERS will remain as such in Heaven. If you notice, I did not say that they wouldn’t make it to Heaven. Only God can make that determination, but certain lifestyles He has specifically addressed will not enter into the Kingdom.

There are other areas that fall into sexual immorality, but these were some of the main ones that I am hitting on in today’s blog. Now what about the subject of masturbation? Is it okay to masturbate if you are a single? Is it okay for you to masturbate if you are married if your partner likes to watch or if you are by yourself? Hmmm…let’s see here.

Masturbation

James 1:14-15 But each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin, and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death. (NIV)

Colossians 3:5 Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature; sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. (NIV)

Matthew 5:28 But I tell you that anyone who looks upon a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. (NIV)

What is masturbation? It is the self-stimulation of ones genitals for the release of sexual satisfaction. Therefore, ladies, if you are “plucking that guitar” and men if you are “strangling the chicken” you are masturbating. I am sure you catch my drifts, but in all seriousness, it is sex with yourself. Okay, for those of us who are single, one may say, “Well what am I to do when I get sexual urges?” If I am not having sex with a “person” how does that constitute sin?

This is hard, especially, for Christian singles. I am not even going to pretend. I would rather be on an island with no food than to live a life with no sex. Call me crazy if you may, but I am just keeping it real. My body is calling me EVERY DAY and I am trying to have the patience of Job, but God….  So I am not going to pretend and tell you to take a cold shower, read a Bible verse and call it a day. IT IS HARD!!! I’ve heard plenty of married couples say that they just don’t feel like having sex…well, try not having access at all because you are not married.

So does this mean that masturbation is okay?  Some would argue that the Bible doesn’t speak on masturbation and therefore, because you are not having sex with a person, you are good to go. Many use the text, Genesis 38:9-10, which speaks about a man spilling his seed to the ground and therefore, constituting it as a sin. However, this scripture was dealing with procreation as designed by God during that time to carry on the family name and not masturbation.

However, there are a few problems with masturbation for single folk. Let’s examine the issue a little further.

1.)  You may be sexually satisfied for a moment, but it can make you become less content with pleasuring yourself and an increasing desire to be with an actual person. Therefore, what started out as self-fulfillment will become boring and eventually could lead you into someone’s bed. Fornication will become the end result.

2.)  What places is your mind going to when you masturbate? Are you thinking about some past lover and reminiscing that you were with him/her? Are you getting excited from some movie, magazine, or photo you saw, while wishing you were with that person? The Bible says that if you have even lustfully looked, you have done it in your heart. Whatever is in your heart is in your mind and whatever is mind that is ungodly is squeezing the Holy Spirit out. Therefore, the enemy and God cannot occupy the same space. One has to leave. Which one do you want it to be?

3.)  You may find yourself thinking more about sex than about God. As a single person, God wants us to live lives dedicated to His work. We are more capable of doing the things of God as a single than we would be if we are married. This is not to say that married people do not do the things of God. However, their time is divided with their spouse and things to make a happy home. Therefore, they must minister to their homes first, while a single can be concerned with the things of God first. 1 Corinthians 7:32 I would like for you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife—and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband.

Therefore, we are to remain pure in both body and spirit. We cannot do this if our minds are filled with lustful passions and desires. This is HARD!!! Yes, it is! I have never been a fan of married people teaching “singles” seminars UNLESS you were single for many years PRIOR to getting hitched. No offense to any of you who do this, but I would rather hear from a person who has gone through it than to hear from someone who married their spouse straight out of high school or college. You really don’t know how to be single unless you have done it for many years. You can say what “Thus saith the Lord” of course, but you can’t give personal insight on the matter. It’s like a person giving driving lessons, but have never been behind the wheel of a car. I really appreciated one Bishop I had who would tell us “singles” that he had not lived as a single, but could only give us the word of God because he had been married very early in life. I appreciated the realness in that.

Masturbation within Marriage

            The sin in this would come into play if you are lusting after someone other than your spouse. Therefore, if this is what you and your spouse wants to do in YOUR bedroom, then there is not a scripture that condemns this that I am aware of. Have fun if that is what you are into! If you want to role play…go right ahead. As long as you do not bring anyone else into your marriage union then there is no scriptures that speak against it. Again, the marriage bed is undefiled according to the Bible. However, there are things that can make it sinful such as open marriage acts, threesomes, and pornography.

Pornography…is it a sin?

YES!!! THERE ARE NO IFs or ANDs about it. God has already laid out in His law that fornication/adultery is a sin. Therefore, when you are actively participating in the sales of this industry, you are contributing to something that is AGAINST God’s law. Okay, you may say that they were going to do the film anyway. You may be right, however, let’s use this scenario. What if you knew that two people were planning to commit a robbery at a bank? They ask you to be the lookout person for them. Well, you think to yourself, “They are going to rob the bank anyway even if I say no.” Therefore, you go ahead and be the lookout guy. However, all of you get busted by the cops. You explain to the cops that they were going to rob the bank anyway and you were not the actual one doing the robbing. Well, we all know how that story will end. You will get locked up for being an ACCESSORY to the crime. That’s right! You are just as guilty as the ones who actually did it.

Sorry to burst you married folks bubble, but anytime you are buying, renting and watching free porn, you are an accessory to the sin. Most of these people that you are watching are having sex with multiple people on various videos. They are committing acts of fornication and adultery, which God does not condone. Even if they are married couples, do you really think that God wants their sexual acts displayed for the whole world to see? Can you imagine Jesus watching porn with you? Yes, the marriage bed is undefiled UNTIL you bring things into it that are against the laws of God. Not anything goes folks. As for the singles, well, we must not dip into this for sure. It is a sin on ANY level.

 

Is Oral and Anal Sex wrong?

            I don’t have to really answer this for single folk, but just to be sure…yes! It is wrong for us to have any type of sex as a single person. Yes, it’s hard and Lord knows I am going to feel like a freed slave when my single status change…lol. However, it is off limits for us.

            As for the married folk, the Bible doesn’t address the subject of oral and anal sex that I am aware of. Now, when it comes to homosexuality…the anal part would come into play and yes, that would be wrong. However, as a married couple, if that is what you are into, I could not find that it was wrong. I would however advise you to be careful with anal sex. There are many things that medical statistics have shown would be unhealthy as part of that lifestyle. Not being able to control your bowels when you become older could be one of the adverse side effects of this type of sex.

Types of Sex

These are a few scriptures that I found a Christian Website that I find to be interesting as used to lay out God’s freedom in the marital bedroom. I am not saying that these scriptures are the factual interpretation of the Song of Solomon, but it makes an interesting analogy to say the least. Again…within the confines of MARRIAGE.

1.     Kissing (Song 1:2)

2.     Oral/fellatio-her initiative (Song 2:3)

3.     Manual stimulation-her invitation (Song 2:6)

4.     Petting-his initiative (Song 4:5)

5.     Oral/cunnilingus-his initiative (Song 4:12-5:1)

6.     Striptease (Song 6:13b-7:9)

7.     New places, positions, etc., including outdoors-her initiative (Song 7:11-13)

 

Sex Toys and Magazines

            Is there anything wrong with sex toys? For the single…it goes back to the subject of masturbation and therefore, we must stay free from sexual immorality. However, as a married couple, there are no scriptures that point to such things being a sin since there probably weren’t any doing biblical times. However, this is something that should be discussed openly with your spouse. Magazines, however, would fall into the same category as pornography. This would not be advisable and therefore, should remain out of the home. Remember, your home and your bedroom is the sanctuary where God lives. The husband is the Priest of the home and just as God required the priest to be upright in accordance to His will, so is the husband. The wife is a reflection of the Bride of Christ. God wants a people without spot or wrinkle.

            Rather married or single, God wants us to be a peculiar people. He wants us to not be controlled by the flesh, but of the Spirit. God wants access to our hearts and lives. Sex is beautiful if done in accordance to God’s law and that can only be done if married. As a single, it is not the easiest thing to be when we live in a couples’ society. However, we must hold out until God sends the person whom He has for us. Now, if you are meant to live a life of singlehood such as Paul…God bless you. We are not all given the gift of singlehood. However, for us who are single and God has predestined the person for us to have, we must wait patiently on Him. Everything is in His timing. We must ask God to give us the patience and desire to lean on Him even when those midnight urges come. However, I am going to keep it real. You probably won’t see me for a MONTH after I get married. I have a lot of time to make up for…lol! God bless!