Dealing with Difficult People

Proverbs 22:24-25  Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared. (NIV)

 

            Difficult people! They are everywhere! You encounter them on the job, school, home, grocery store and even church. That’s right! The house of the Lord is not exempt from the presence of difficult people. They go to church in the groves. These will be the ones that make trouble every time you turn around. They are often your complainers. The boss didn’t have the schedule up; the pastor preached too long; the checkout line needed to move a little faster. The list goes on and on. As a former transit driver, I encountered many of these types of individuals. It takes a lot to work with the public because you will encounter some of the most difficult people. However, praise God that not everyone is that way.

            Just recently, I did a blog that someone was not in agreement with because I brought up a question in regards to a particular gospel artist. She decided to write on my page that the song, which I had attributed to the artist, was not his. However, after confirming that it was his…I assume, she goes on to post that the song had been written some years ago. Therefore, I shouldn’t have judged this artist based upon the amount of time that it had been written. Well, first of all, if you are going to dispute someone, make sure that you have the facts. Second, unless the artist retracted the lyrics and is no longer receiving proceeds from it, the music is rightly attributed to him. Last but not least, just because the song is not a new release doesn’t mean that people aren’t still listening to it. Therefore, I offered her a solution. If she was so offended by my blog then she had the option to not read it and unfollow me on Facebook. Well…she did. God bless her sweet heart!

            See, there are many ways to handle difficult people and situations without getting nasty with them. You can just simply state the facts and give them the room to exit out of your presence if they cannot be there peaceably. One thing that I have learned when it comes to dealing with people, they are not worth your hair turning silver over. You are to love people because that is a requirement of God, but you do not have to let them into your circle. Romans 12:18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. (NIV)

            Many people mistake forgiving someone of an offense as having to let them back in to do the offense again. No, this is not what the Bible means. Matthew 10:14 says, “If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, shake the dust off your feet when you leave that home or town. (NIV) You do not have to put up with nonsense from others. Many people make the mistake of thinking that as a Christian, that means that you always turn the other cheek and be a doormat. However, there were plenty of instances in the Bible where the Israelites had to pick up their weapons and fight of their enemies. God did not tell them to roll over and take things off their enemies UNLESS they had fallen into idolatry and He was using their captivity to teach them a lesson.

            So how do you be peaceful with someone who is constantly at war with you? Read the following steps and maybe this will help to add peace to your life when in stressful situations.

1.)  Examine Yourself. Make sure that the problem isn’t you. Often times people get caught up in themselves and always think that someone else is the problem when it is actually you. None of us like to think that there may be something that we are doing to cause a problem. However, doing a self-examination never hurts. If you are the type who is always judgmental towards someone, then maybe you need to think about things before approaching another individual. For example, how can one drunk talk about another drunk when they both need AA?

Matthew 7:3-5 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye. You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” (NIV)

 

2.)  Pray for Yourself and Them. Always go to God in prayer whenever you are faced with a difficult situation. God will give you the guidance and to how to proceed. He will also let you know if there is something that you need to do within prior to going to the individual. We are always to keep each other lifted up in prayer even for those who give us trouble.

Matthew 5:44-45 But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. (NIV)

3.)  It is Okay to Walk Away. This really needs to be taught to children. You do not have to fight every war. Choose your battles. Some things just aren’t worth the fight that will come from it. It does not make you weak just because you decide not to fight with a person. It actually show maturity both in the natural and physical. Jesus did not always defend himself to his accusers. Sometimes, silence was the best weapon that he used. You must use discernment as to which things to fight and which things not to. For example, the Civil Rights’ movement back in the 60’s was a cause worth fighting for. Which politician is worth your vote would be an argument best left at home and not on the job.

Amos 3:3 Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?

 

4.)  Communicate with that person. Sometimes people are quick to go tell someone else that there is an offense. However, they have not told the person against whom they are offended. How can corrective action be taken if you go call Sally, Jane, Bob and Sue before discussing it with individual first. What this causes is gossip especially in the workplace. When someone does something to you, you definitely need to go to that person and let them know how you feel about the offense that they did. They may not have even known that you were offended by them or that they were giving you a difficult time. They could actually be an unknowingly obnoxious person while the whole office is going around whispering about them. Give them the same respect that you would want to be given if the tables were reversed.

Matthew 18:15-17 “If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.” (NIV)

 

5.)Sometimes You have to Agree to Disagree in Love. There will be times when you and a person will not agree on things. Therefore, the two of you will have to come to the conclusion that a matter will not be solved in a manner that you both will be comfortable with. However, even in this case, you must do it in love. Do not walk away from a person in anger or with revenge in the heart. The two of you can still have a mutual respect for each other for the sake of peace. You can go your way and so can the other person if you can’t make things work.

Acts 15: 37-40 Barnabas wanted to take John also called Mark, with them, but Paul did not think it wise to take him, because he had deserted them in Pamphylia and had not continued with them in the work. They had such a sharp disagreement that they parted company. Barnabas took Mark and sailed for Cyprus, but Paul chose Silas and left, commended by the brothers to the grace of the Lord.

 

We must most importantly love each other. There will always be people that come into our lives and will not be the easiest people to love. However, this is not an option, but a requirement by God that we are to love. In doing so, God is able to do a work in us and our reward will be received in Heaven. John 13:34 “A new commandment I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” (NIV)