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1 Corinthians 7:32-35 I would like you to be free from
concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can
please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this
world—how he can please his wife—and his interest are divided. An unmarried
woman or virgin in concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted
to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the
affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your
own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in
undivided devotion to the Lord.
SINGLE!!! For many
singles, this word is like the plague. Many, upon reaching a certain age group,
do not wish to have this title placed upon them. There is a certain “stigma”
that goes along with this word for some when asked, “What is your relationship
status.” It was once okay to celebrate if you were in your twenties and even
early thirties. However, as the years begin to go by and the same question is
asked, many people find themselves wanting to crawl into a cave—only to be
rediscovered once their status change. The word for many is like a judge
handing down a sentence. After which, you are labeled as a FELON for life. No sponging the record, no second chance, but
everyone you know will associate you with that title--that label, the scarlet
letter “S”.
So why is it
that many singles have a hard time “embracing” the fact that they are single?
What is being single? Why does that word make many flee to the nearest exit
when asked to join the singles’ ministry at church? Is there a way to be
happily single? What do you do during the time that you are single until God
sends you the right one? Is there a right way and a wrong way to wait? Let’s
dig a little deeper to explore some answers to some of these questions.
(SCENARIO) Mary, has been single for 13
years. She was married, but due to infidelity, she and her husband decided to
divorce. Now, Mary is really in deep thought about what her life is going to
be. She is 40 years old and there were no children from the previous marriage
of 5 years. Because she has been single for such a long time, she has gotten
tired of the “wait”. Therefore, Mary has decided to take matters into her own
hands. She joined an online dating site, created her profile, and has been
going out on dates with multiple men. She doesn’t know if this is the right
thing for her to do, but what she does know is that she is tired of waiting for
“Mr. Right” to come along. So she has decided to settle on “Mr. Right Now”
until “The One” comes along. Is she right or is she wrong? This makes you
go…hmmm.
In today’s
society, there seems to be an expectation to be “coupled” with someone. To say
that you are “single” and are not in a dating relationship is foreign to many.
From the celebrities to the person you encounter at your local grocery store,
the word “single” carries with it various individualized meanings. So, what
exactly does it mean to be single? If you type the word “single” in your Google
search engine, this is what you will find the definition as:
Single- 1.) Only one and not of several;
2.) Unmarried
or not involved in a stable relationship.
There are other definitions that Google added, but these were
the top 2. I noticed that the second
definition of being “unmarried OR not involved in a stable relationship was
quite interesting. The second part of the definition seems to leave room open
for if you are involved with someone, but have not yet married them. This may be what Google means by “stable
relationship”. However, some may beg to differ and say that even if you are
dating, you are still “single”. I think that I would agree with this. Dating
does not constitute marriage, but it may suggest that you are leaning in that
direction. I would go a step forward and say that if you began dating someone
and the two of you are now considering marriage, that you are actually in a
courtship. I believe that there is a huge difference between dating and
courting. Call me old-fashion, but some things actually worked well back in the
day.
You may ask,
“What do I mean?” Okay, I will tell you. Dating to me is when you are not
intentional just yet on having a serious relationship with someone. This is
your go-to- the-movie, have a dinner, call it a night and go home. I may call you back in the morning. In
dating, you are trying to see your common interests, dislikes, spiritual
compatibility, family background, etc. Courting is when you have found someone
that you are seriously considering
as a future mate. You are beyond the realms of just casual dating, but know
enough about this person at this point that you two are exclusive. Marriage is
more than just a thought at this point, and you have grown closer as a couple
to decide that this is your next step. Dating
is the start of this relationship, but Courting is leading the way to marriage.
Some may disagree with this theology, but this is my take on it and what I use
in my own personal life.
So why do so
many singles have a hard time embracing their singleness? Many people,
especially women, are “expected” to get married, have children, and the white
picket fence by the time they are a certain age. This may vary from society to
society, but within the United States, there is this expectation. Yes, the
media has said that you don’t have to be married, and you can have children
being a single parent. However, because Christians are not supposed to follow
the ungodly trends of the world, most of us do desire to do things God’s way.
Unfortunately, because we are doing things God’s way, there may be fewer
selections in the sea. What do I mean? If you are truly living for God, when
the world says it’s okay to commit fornication, you are not yielding to it and
therefore, many may find that some are not willing to hang around if you are
not giving them the “goods”.
Yes, there
is this talk show host and author who suggest giving the relationship 90 days
prior to giving it up. However, that is not what God says.
1 Corinthians 6:18-20
says, “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside
the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. Do you not
know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you
have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price.
Therefore honor God with your bodies. These bodies are not ours to do
what we want with them. They belong to God and because they do, we are not to
misuse or abuse them by yielding to the sinful lust of the flesh. This is not
always easy, but because we are the children of God and are representatives of
Him, we are to carry ourselves as such. Therefore, if someone that you are
dating is not able to wait until there is a marriage, you definitely will know
that this person is not the one that God has for you.
God wants us
to live pure lives unto Him. We are to be a living sacrifice. We cannot be all
that God wants if we are not willing to lay aside ungodly things. The reason
that there are so many sexually transmitted diseases and some leading to
physical death is because many have falling away from God’s order of things.
Therefore, it has caused us not only to have a physical death, but a spiritual
one. Two spirits cannot reside in one host. You will either have the Spirit of
God or you will have the spirit of the enemy. This is why God said that He
would rather that you be hot or cold. He does not like lukewarm. Revelation
3:16 says, “So, because you are
lukewarm—neither hot not cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth. (NIV)
We have to make a conscious decision that we are going to live for God totally.
We can’t be creeping with this one and that one if it is our true desire to
live for God. Yes, many of us have messed up during our Christian walk.
However, it is never too late to make the decision to do what is right as long
as we are still breathing. Proverbs 24:16 says, “For the
righteous fall seven times, they rise again…” (NIV) Get up! Even if you
have messed up and make a commitment to God to start all over again.
So why do so
many singles flee to the nearest exit when the spotlight comes on them? Well,
once again, due to what a large part of society considers as abnormal, many do
not want to wear the “single” sign on their foreheads. Yes, it is obvious that
you are single, but after a certain age, the questions and comments start to
roll in like an avalanche of snow on Mount Everest. When are you going to
settle down? Why don’t you have anyone? Why haven’t you gotten married? Do you
have any children? What are you waiting on? You are not getting any younger.
You better get busy before you be old and alone. Question after question and
comment after comment seems to pass your way as you travel down “single” lane. I
have friends who do not even want to go to family gatherings because they are
tired of all the questions in regards to their singlehood. I can recall have my
doctor at the age of 28 tell me that I may want to start thinking about my “family
planning”. She went on to say that so many of her patients have come into her
office at age 40 or more wanting to have children, only to be told that their
chances are really slim after multiple tries. At age 28, I thought she was
crazy for even saying that to me. At age 38…I see why. However, some people act
like quality individuals are growing like grass after a good spring rain. WELL…quite
on the contrary.
How about
singles’ ministries at church? “No, don’t get up and leave?” You can hear the
singles’ leader disappointingly saying as many run out to the nearest exit and
start their engines at the thought of being “labeled.” However, some just feel
that they don’t belong to such groups because they have either been married and
divorced, older in age, in a committed relationship, or just don’t want to be
affiliated. Well, if you are in any of the previously mentioned categories, YOU ARE SINGLE. Unfortunately, even
when you want to change your status from single to “committed,” you are still
single until you say, “I Do.” Sorry,
but it is what it is. Even on your IRS tax forms, there is not an option for
committed relationships. You are either married or single. There is no in
between. I will admit, I have been one of the ones to head towards the nearest
exit at the mere mention of “single” anything at church. My reason was simple.
I was older and did not wish to be affiliated with the singles ‘ministry
because it would be a constant “REMINDER” of my failure, at my age, in
obtaining a “Ring.” However, I have accepted my status and now…I WAIT.
So what do
you do while you are WAITING? I try
to remain active with life and ask God to keep me grounded until He sends me
who HE HAS for me. That’s right! I am no longer searching out of my own means.
I believe that when you do things on your own, you leave plenty of room for the
devil to sneak in and make you mess up. You really have to allow God to guide
you in ALL areas of your life and
this includes dating, courting and marriage. As you wait on God, allow Him to
fill your life with the things of Him as He prepares you for that future
spouse. Waiting does not mean that you are sitting around, twirling your thumbs
and doing nothing. It means that you have handed it over to God and allowed Him
to be the navigator of your life. The desire for relationship may not go away,
but God will help you to be content until He sends you your mate.
In the
verse, at the beginning of this subject, it spoke of doing the things of God as
a single person because once married, your interests are divided. Yes, that is
true. As a single person, you have more time that you can devote towards the things
of God than you would if you were married and with children. We can pray in
quiet, we can serve God without family demands, and we can be light unto other
singles who are struggling with their singleness. We can go on demand, we can
work in ministry, and we can live a fulfilling life by being around those of
like minds. 2 Corinthians 6:14 says, “Do not be yoked together with
unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what
fellowship can light have with darkness? This verse is mostly taken to
mean marrying someone of different faiths, but there is more to it than that.
If you are socializing with people who are not living a godly lifestyle and you
are being tempted to go to the club, ungodly parties, and being around a crowd
who will encourage you to live a sexually promiscuous lifestyle, you may need
to demote some in your crew.
God has made
it clear how we are to live for Him. We are to live by example. We cannot be
witnesses unto the world if we are not living the life ourselves. We would be
viewed as nothing more than hypocrites. God is calling us to be a peculiar
people. WE are not to be like the world around us. We are supposed to stand out
and set the standard. We are to be trend setters and trend followers. Yes, we
may be single. Yes, we may be “unpopular.” But yes, I stand as a PROUD SINGLE FOR GOD. I once was unable
to say that, but now I CAN!!! Stand with
me and be SOLD OUT for GOD!!!
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