What's Wrong with Men?

On any given day, you can watch various shows on TV talking about relationships, listen to a radio commentary’s advice, or read about the latest celebrity breakups in magazines. Everyone wants to understand about relationships and what makes them work and fall apart. However, not everyone wants to know the truth about what sets them apart according to the word of God. Many base their relationships on the images that Hollywood and the music industry portray—fornication, adultery, selfishness, seduction, and manipulation. However, all of this goes against the word and God and His idea for a Godly home. Even in the dating scene, Godliness has turned to madness and commitment is like eating the “Forbidden Fruit.”

I have listened to numerous friends describe the dating scene as a total loss.  They go on date after date only to find themselves with a full belly after an evening of dining and the ticket stub left as evidence to a good movie with no possible meaningful connection. This is not to say that they were going in with the idea of having their wedding plans set at the end of the date, but they could tell just after the first date that it was not worth their time to pursue any further actions. I have not gone on a date in years. I do not wish to waste my time in pursuit of happiness only to be disappointed at yet another failure. Now this is not to say that dating isn’t good, but I’ve had that talk with God and trust me, He will let me know when the time is right. Until then, I can take “myself” to the movies, dinner, and come back home with clothes intact. No pressure, no temptation, and no waste of time. Better yet, I rule men out during the first conversation. If they can’t pass the phone test, then they can’t past the date test. End of Story!

However, plenty of women want to know, “What’s wrong with men?” Okay, you may not know what I am talking about so let’s go into depth and see the common complaints.

     2.)  Many men these days seem to want women to pursue them.

 They want women to ask them out, get their numbers, make the initial call, and even pay for the dates. Yea…really!  I have heard all of this. Now, this is not to say that if you are that woman who feels that it’s okay for women to take the initiative, that it’s wrong. No…there is nothing wrong with it. If you read the story of Naomi and Ruth, Naomi advised her daughter-in-law to pursue Boaz. Ruth 3:1-4 One day Ruth’s mother-in-law Naomi said to her, “My daughter, I must find a home for you, where you will be provided for. Now Boaz, with whose women you have worked, is a relative of ours. Tonight he will be winnowing barley on the threshing floor. Wash, put on perfume, and get dressed in your best clothes. Then go down to the threshing floor, but don’t let him know that you are there until he has finished eating and drinking. When he lies down, note the place where he is lying. Then go and uncover his feet and lie down. He will tell you what to do.” (NIV)

Therefore, a woman is quite within rights to let a man know that she is interested. However, if you notice, Naomi said, “He will tell you what to do.” She didn’t tell Ruth to throw herself on Boaz and seduce him. Ruth was lady-like in the manner in which her pursuit was done. She only uncovered his feet and laid there. Many women think that in order to get a man, they have to use seduction, be overbearing, and manipulative. All of these may get you laid, but it will not get you a serious commitment or a diamond ring.  If you get a ring, it may just be out of the Cracker Jack box. Doing things out of order will only get you seriously played.

However, if you are the type of woman that believes in a man pursuing you such as myself, there is nothing wrong with that either. I do not take men’s number, but will give them mine. Furthermore, if I don’t think that I would be interested in you from the beginning, I will not bother giving you my number. I will politely decline your request. I believe that whatever you start out doing, you will have to continue. Therefore, if you aggressively pursue him, then you will have to continue that. Take this for what it’s worth—this is only an opinion…nothing more. However, Proverbs 18:22 says, “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord. (NIV) I believe in allowing myself to be “found” by the mate that God has for me instead of me doing the chasing. However, this is just my view when it comes to my personal relationships.

                     2.)  Some men desire women to pay for the dates.

Just recently, I was on a talk show where the topic was about interracial dating. One of the cohost said something that I totally didn’t agree with. He said that women of certain ethnicities will pay for the first date when others will unanimously say NO. He felt that women should be more willing to pay for the first date just in case the man is broke. Well, I am one of those who will NOT pay for a first date. I believe that if a man asks you on a date, he should pay for the first one. If he is broke then he needs to wait until he can afford a Happy Meal.  2 Thessalonians 3:6-8 In the name of Jesus Christ, we command you, brothers and sisters, to keep away from every believer who follow our example. We were not idle when we were with you, nor did we eat anyone’s food without paying for it…(NIV)

There are too many women who are thirsty for men that they are willing to switch roles. Now, don’t get me wrong, I do not think that there is anything wrong with a woman paying for a date, but definitely not the first one IF the man was the one to ask you on the date. However, by the third date, I don’t mind picking up the check. It just better not be dinner at the White House for $1,200 per plate…LOL.

3.) Some men want the women to drive them          

     everywhere due to their lack of transportation.

Women…if you are trying to date someone who doesn’t have wheels…investigate what is going on. If he tells you that his car is in the shop, ask him when it’s getting out. If it is within the week, then wait until he gets it back to go on that date unless he gets a car from a friend, relative or rental. Do not volunteer to pick him up. If he comes up with some excuse that it will be in the shop for a period of months…he is more than likely wanting you to be his taxi. The last time I checked, most car lots do not have 6 month parking spaces available. More than likely, his license is under suspension or he doesn’t own a vehicle.

Women must stop negotiating with Monopoly money. This is to say, if a man cannot be a man and come when he has himself together, then do not settle. (Exception to the rule: Men in their twenties who may be in college and/or working towards their goal should be viewed as great potential.) However, if a man are in their  30’s, 40’s and beyond, living with mom or grandma, and still not pursuing anything then more than likely, he will not change. 1Timothy 5: 8 Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. (NIV)

4.) Some men want women who will give them wife   

     duties for part-time benefits.

      Too many women are giving up the “cookie” without a

receipt. They go out of their way to please men sexually without any commitment. I am not speaking of being engaged for 10 years. Engagement is not the equivalent of marriage. If a woman wants to know if she has a good man, tell him that there is no sex until marriage and see how long he sticks around. If he is a true man of God, and the man for you, he will respect you even more for keeping your legs closed and allowing his pants to stay zipped.

The Bible tells us to stay away from sexual immorality. Therefore, sex should not be part of the equation when outside of the marital union. Women should expect men to respect them. However, this can only be done if you as a woman respect yourself. Do not share your goods with everyone. If a man cannot wait, then send him home packing. God will always bless the one who obeys His laws and do what is right in His sight.

1 Corinthians 7:2 But since sexual immorality is his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. (NIV)

5.) Some men want woman to have the Beyonce

     Image while they look like Homer Simpson.

This kills me when I hear men trash women who do not look like the models and celebrities on the videos and magazines. Well guess what? The models and celebrities don’t look like that either. This is not to say that some of them aren’t naturally beautiful. But for many, once you take off the weaves, eyelashes, makeup, acrylic nails, body glowing spray, and photo-shopped pictures, they look like the average woman.

Most of the men who talk about women in this manner, don’t look like Denzel W., Brad P., Borris K., or Matthew M. themselves. So why do they expect women to be perfect when they aren’t themselves? Absolutely nonsense!

Women, make sure that you allow God to send you the man who will value your beauty inside and out. Outward beauty may fade, but inward beauty stays true. This doesn’t mean that you can’t desire a person who is physically attractive, but just remember that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. Whoever is for you, will find you STUNNING.

There is so much more that I could go into, but due to this being a blog, there isn’t enough time. However, sometimes the problem with men is what we as women allow them to get by with. Never compromise your standards for the sake of having a partner and always values yourself. You are worth being treated as a queen and if he can’t do that, then he is not the man that God has for YOU. This subject will be continued in upcoming blogs.