Genesis 2:24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is untied to his wife, and
they become one flesh. (NIV)
In the United States, a poll was done by the Professional
Psychology department in Springfield, Missouri in regards to divorce and here
are the statistics as follow:
50% of first marriages end in divorce.
67% of second marriages end in divorce.
74% of third marriages end in divorce.
These are the overall statistics that was done. For the sake
of space on this blog, I cannot get into the specifics of each one, but the
numbers here are troublesome to say the least. Marriage seems to be something that
many people do not take seriously. However, when there is a breakdown in the marriage then there
becomes a breakdown in the family, which in turn becomes a breakdown in society constituting a breakdown in the nation. When this happens, everyone pays the cost in one way or another. Much of this is paid by means of tax payer money into the welfare system due to poverty, the prison system due to crime, and increasingly single- parent families being forced to do things on their own; therefore, destroying the traditional family structure.
What
was God’s purpose of marriage? Does God still desire for marriage to take place
today? Does God provide mates for single men and women? What happens if a
person doesn’t wait on God? How does marriage coincide with our relationship
with Christ? Why does God call us His bride? What are the grounds for divorce?
Is it okay to test the “goods” prior to marriage? What should singles be on the
lookout for when waiting for God to send a spouse? These are a few of the
questions that we are going to address thoroughly in this blog so let dive in
to see what the word of God has to say.
In the beginning, God created a beautiful world for His
people to enjoy. There were trees, oceans, birds, plants and creatures of every
kind. He gave Adam the job of tending to the garden and naming all the
creatures that He had created. After this, God created a helpmate for Adam. He
took a rib from Adam’s side and created Eve. Genesis 2:21 So the Lord
God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he
took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. Then the
Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought
her to the man. The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my
flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” (NIV)
If you noticed, God took the rib from Adam’s side and not his back or any other
part of his body. Eve was to walk alongside Adam and be a helper to him. Because
of the partnership that they were to have, Adam named her “woman” which
includes the word “man” in it because she was part of him. God created a
special mate for Adam after He had
given him a job and directions about the tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil...not before.
Marriage is to be taken serious, but too many people are not marrying with God in the center and when that takes place, it is a recipe for disaster. God created marriage, but man has corrupted it. Hebrews 13:4 Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. (NIV) God wanted marriage to be taken serious because it represents the relationship that we have with Him. God calls us (the church) His bride and just as the covenant between a man and a woman is not to be broken, so is our relationship with God. Revelation 19:7-9 Let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory! For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready. Fine linen, bright and clean, was given her to wear." (fine linen stands for the righteous acts of God's holy people.) Then the angel said to me, "Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the wedding supper of the Lamb!" And he added, "These are the true words of God." (NIV) God desires for us to be committed to Him and therefore, when a man and woman decide to get married, that is a commitment that should never be taken lightly.
The question that many singles face is rather or not God has a mate in store for them? Well, first let's go over a few verses that tells us God's desire for our lives. Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you plans to give you hope and a future." (NIV) God always desires for His children to have the absolute best. However, due to sin, God's best for us was corrupted by no means of His own, but through the plots and schemes of the enemy. Therefore, what God wanted for His children in the beginning was tarnished because of sin. As a result, God sent His Son to die through a selfless act of love, which gave us the chance at a perfect life in Heaven that we otherwise woudn't have received. God want us to live happy and fulfilled lives with people who love us. This is why God ordained marriage so that we wouldn't be alone, but would have companions to share our love with and children to adore and populate the world. Now this doesn't mean that it was God's desire for everyone to marry. You must pray and ask God for the will that He has for YOUR life. Matthew 19:10 The disciples said to him, "If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry." Jesus replied, "Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others--and these are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it." (NIV) God does not have it in His plan for everyone to marry. For some, He has given the gift of singleness for the benefit of the Kingdom. A person must ask God's perfect will in this matter and then be able to accept whatever that will is. The Apostle Paul was such a person who was fully dedicated to the work of God and therefore, was not married.
1 Corinthians 7:7 I wish that all of you were as I am. But each one of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that gift. (NIV) God has given some people the gift of singleness, but if that is not the gift that God has given to you, then that means He will give you a mate. However, the key to it is waiting on Him to give you that mate and not going ahead of God.
Isaiah 40:31 But those who wait on the Lord Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint. (NKJV) As a single person, the waiting process is not always easy and can be a challenge in many ways. However, God tells us to wait on Him and He will give us the strength that we need to be a successful Christian single. God wants us to chase after Him prior to getting that mate. God desires that we have a healthy and strong relationship with Him because there will be challenges that even with marriage, we will still need His guidance. Matthew 6:33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. (NIV) We are to be God Chasers until He brings that special person into our lives. Now, many people in the world think that you must take matters into your own hands. However, regardless of how you decide to do things by being the pursuer or the one being pursued, make sure to PRAY before making life-long decisions that can have life-long consequences. Failure to wait on God because you were impatient and decided to do things your way could land you and your future generations in turmoil as with the case of Abraham and Sarah with regards to Hagar, Ishmael, and Isaac.
As a single, there is plenty of temptation that will come your way. This is why it is not wise to date people who are not on the same Christian path as you. If you are a Christian and living a pure Godly life, do not date someone who doesn't believe in doing the same thing and is not living that life as well. 2 Corinthians 6: 14 Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. for what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? (NIV) Many people take this scripture to mean that you are not to be yoked with just unbelievers, but being unequally yoked could also mean people within the same faith. If you decide to date a person who is a good church attender, but does not have a relationship with God, that person is unequally yoked with you. Therefore, the relationship will not work because one will be pulling the other in a different direction. If a "self-proclaimed" Christian is trying to entice you to break God's law by doing things contrary to God's will while dating, you best believe that they will do the same thing should you marry them. Amos 3:3 Can two walk together, unless they are agreed? (NIV)
While being a Christian single, it is important to stay away from sexual temptation. God does not want us to defile our bodies with sexual sin. 1 Corinthians 6:15-20 Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, "The two will become one flesh." But whoever is united with the Lord is one with him in spirit. Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies. (NIV) We do not want to unite ourselves with just anyone. God is the only one with Whom we should be united with at this time UNTIL He sends us a mate. Even then, God is the One who should REIGN SUPREME in our lives at all times as well as the mate He sends. If Jesus isn't LORD over your life now, how can He be LORD over your marriage in the future?
So what are some things to look out for when dating and looking for a potential mate? Okay, first of all, check to see if that person has a RELATIONSHIP with God as mentioned before. If your potential person doesn't know God, then he/she can't possibly know you because God is on the inside of you. 1 John 1:6 If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth. (NIV) We are to be a light for God and therefore, the mate whom God has for you will also have a light as well by living for Him. Do not make the mistake of thinking that you will be able to change that individual just because you are partnered up. If that person isn't already in relationship with God, they will have be able to have you compromise yours. Pray and ask God's wisdom in this matter so that your light will not grow dim for Christ.
Another thing that singles should look out for is how they treat their own families. If a man does not treat his mother or other family members right, he definitely will not treat you right. This goes for women as well. Pay attention to see if they have good relationships with their families. Now in some instances, there could be other factors that may have cause strain on the relationship beyond their control. However, you can learn a lot just by listening and watching their actions. Also, listen to how they speak about past relationships that they were in. If they bad mouth the person continuously, name call, never say where they may have contributed to the breakdown of the relationship, or is still bitter over the previous breakup, you may want to take note of it because there may be some underlying issues with that individual. Also, if a person has children from a previous relationship and do not take care of their children by financial support and contact, that is a sure sign that they will not be responsible in the relationship that they are in with you. 1 Timothy 5:8 Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially their own household, has denied the faith and is worse that an unbeliever. (NIV) It matters how they treat others and then you will have an idea of how you will be treated. I tell this to ladies that if a man can form his mouth to call another woman a "B," he will use that same mouth to call you one as well.
Check out that person's background. If they cannot keep a job, then more than likely, you are in for a long time of financial difficulties. A person who is lazy and have no ambition in life, will not all of a sudden get some just because they are with you. You are not a miracle worker and cannot change someone magically. See if they are good with their hands, ladies. Can they fix a door, nail a picture, cut the grass, etc.? Men, can she cook a meal, iron some clothes, clean a house, etc.? Okay, some will get offended because they will say that roles have reversed. However, the Bible tell men and women what their roles are in the family. Regardless of how you decide to go about doing things, work needs to be done on BOTH sides. Proverbs 16:3 Commit yourself to work and your plans will be established. (ESV)
See how they handle themselves in stressful situations. If the first thing they do is fly off the handle when a situation arises, there is more of where that came from. Sometimes people find themselves in abusive situations because they did not look for or ignored the signs that were shown prior to getting involved. A person who cannot control his/her anger will not make a good future partner. Yes, we all have times that we get frustrated, but there are ways to handle that frustration and taking it out on someone, animals and/or destruction of property is not one of them. If a person is abusive verbally, physically, emotionally or other, leave that relationship as soon as possible. Do not stay in a relationship that will only cause you pain in the long run. It is better to leave early than to stay for years. Proverbs 10:6 Blessings crown the head of the righteous, but violence overwhelms the mouth of the wicked. (NIV)
God desires the best for His children and He want us to be in Healthy relationships. Until such time that God sends you a mate, He expects us to have a relationship with Him first until that mate comes and even after that. There are so many things that can be avoided if we just wait on God and do it HIS way instead of our own. For the sake of time, this will have to be a discussion for a future blog. However, the main thing that anyone should do is to Talk To God and ask for wisdom. God promises to give wisdom to those who ask. James 1:5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. (NIV) A God-made relationship is the best relationship that one could ever have. Trust God and He will give you the desire of your heart as long as it lines up with His will.
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